


Sleepless Rainy Nights

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Denial of Feelings, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/M, Feelings Realization, Flashbacks, Friendship, Kidnapping, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Reader-Insert, Secret Crush, Slow Burn, Time Skips, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 11:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16533566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: It’s on these types of night that’s he lets himself dream that he’s closer to her than he should be, where he allows himself some happiness.





	Sleepless Rainy Nights

**Author's Note:**

> this is for @marvelous-avengers‘ writing challenge. welcome to that rare weekend update! i imagine something completely different for this one-shot (and i really don’t know how to feel about it now), but i hope you enjoy it? the gif isn’t supposed to be the reader/mc, i just liked the atmosphere to it! heavily inspired by sleepless rainy night by iu.

_ He writes the names of the people he has fallen in love in the most beautiful cursive he can manage.  _

_ Steve Rogers.  _

_ Dottie.  _

_ Natasha Romanoff.  _

_ He lets her see it in a drunken stupor once, too engrossed in memories to notice the the faded smile on her lips and the broken heart he has left on the floor that night. _

* * *

The rain patters softly against the large window in his bedroom. It’s one of those nights where Bucky just can’t sleep with all the static and demons shaking in his head. However, that isn’t exactly the problem this time around -- it was more a person, one that had smiled and waved at him before entering the meeting room. Soft smile, bright eyes and Bucky can’t help but wonder when he started daydreaming about them.  

**Tony.**

She knows Tony the longest, a kid that wouldn’t leave him alone whenever their fathers met and then as a young CEO in her mid-twenties with too much in her head and struggling to keep her company from failing. It’s easier now though, she comes when she’s in the city to catch up with Tony, having meetings and lunch dates with Pepper over partnerships and the couple’s upcoming nuptials. 

It’s how he meets her the first time.  

Bucky, through the years had passed since Siberia, always tried to maintain some level of distance between Tony and himself outside of missions. Things were amiable between them, but there were just some lines --for both their saninites-- that the other man just didn’t cross, though there was one that often happened when Tony worked through the night on the Iron Man suit and Bucky couldn’t sleep due to whatever haunted him. They don’t talk, usually commiserating in silence over their strange choices for breakfast until the other leaves or Steve comes in from their morning run.

It’s 5am when Bucky moves into the kitchen, though there is another voice that grabs his attention before anything. He walks into the room to see three boxes of styrofoam with Tony sitting on one of the highchairs, eating one of his trial mix with a woman standing just a few steps away from him in a dark business suit.  

“I even brought you a big breakfast,” she motions to the boxes, as Bucky’s stomach growls, “And you can’t even do one little favor for dear old me?” 

Tony doesn’t answer, as the both of them turn to look at the former Winter Soldier dressed in sweatpants and a white tank top. She gives him a tight smile, but her mind is on something else as Stark goes back to looking at her. 

“Who exactly are you meeting with?”  

“ _ Donovan _ ,” she states with a serious look in her eyes, though her smile never seems to fade. Bucky hears Stark curse to his left, before getting up from his seat and moving towards the elevator. She stands there for a moment until Tony motions her to hurry up.

She grins and only spares a glance at him, “It was nice meeting you, Sergeant Barnes. Please enjoy the breakfast.”  

Bucky does end up enjoying the breakfast left that morning and thinks of nothing else connected to the mysterious woman.

* * *

_ One of these you’re gonna get tired of hanging with a bunch of old men. _

Bucky knows that it’s supposed to be a rib between you and Rhodey, that you have spent too much time --too much of your life-- with men older than you in order to understand your company and the world that was handed to you at a young age. Bucky overthinks on why he hasn’t seen you in days. Maybe, you had realized what your time spent with him was really worth. Maybe, he wouldn’t hear that subtle laugh that followed Rhodey’s comment anymore. 

And the raining keeps coming down from outside, as if matching his dark and bitter thoughts. 

**Rhodey.**

With knowing Tony, it only seems natural that she knows Rhodey as well in some capacity. The second time he sees you is in the medical building after the check-up he has every once and awhile for his Vibranium arm. She’s talking to Rhodes this time as he seems to be trying new prosthetics for his legs - thinner and certainly looking less clunky than the last model he was wearing. There’s a frown on his face for a moment, as he gets used to the change in the equilibrium -- unsteady steps become steady as she pump her fist in delight, as the man just shakes his head. 

“So, what do you think?” she starts with bright eyes and excitement filtering in her tone of voice, “Give me all the details.” 

“Please don’t sound like Tony,” Rhodey laughs, as he starts to go over what feels like an improvement  and what could be changed, as she nods taking everything in with him adding as an afterthought, “And you haven’t been sleeping again.” 

“Maybe,” she lets out bashfully like a scolded child and Bucky can’t help the shake his head, “But, it was for good cause -- look at you now, Rhodey!”

“But, how long has it been since you’ve last eaten or slept, kiddo,” he comments in that fatherly or even older brother tone of voice that has her groaning, “Remember what happened last time.” 

“Yeah,” she can’t help but state sullenly before going through some more minor enhancements, as Rhodey just shakes his head and murmurs something about  _ idiotic genius.  _

It isn’t until much later that he comes to learn that her company heads most of the medical prosthetics and enhancements that are done and given away by Stark Industries -- and that is changing more one ghost with her life’s work, but for now he keeps moving forward. Though, Bucky’s curiosity is piqued even more when he finds her in the library sometime later in the afternoon, sleeping with multiple books surrounding her that he can’t help the chuckle at the sight.

* * *

Bucky stares at the guitar left untouched in the corner of his room, untouched by the person who mainly used it and he didn’t want to touch the last remnants of whatever was left of you there. Sam had always been getting him into trouble in all different sorts of way, but it had been the birdman that had tipped the scales in his interactions with you, though it had been by accident. 

If he closes his eyes hard enough, he can still hear the echoing of the guitar. 

**Sam.**

Loud, unfamiliar laughter echoes through the walls, as Bucky comes into the kitchen with the smell of eggs and bacon cooking, though it doesn’t seem right as Sam is standing on the opposite side of the countertop watching her cook. The two of them are too caught up in her story to notice him enter, it takes him a while longer to notice that there is music playing in the background.

“I just don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say the Beatles are overrated and has all their albums at the same time,” Sam shakes his head, as she keeps laughing. 

“Okay, okay,” she states while sliding the sunny-side eggs into a plate, “In my defense, I have them all because some guy in college thought he could  _ woo me _ with his guitar the whole semester.” 

“I learned every Beatle song I could,” she starts chuckling a bit at the memory, as Bucky watches the sun hit her figure in the right way giving her a warm glow with her eyes full of happiness, “Dressed up as him for Halloween and serenaded any gal I could find. He never bothered me again and I got a lot of phone numbers that day.” 

She winks, as Sam starts laughing louder than before adding, “I am going to have to see that.” 

“I would like to see that too,” Bucky finally interjects as Sam gives him a cheshire cat like grin, as her eyes widen for a moment before nodding. 

“Sure, I can bring my old guitar and show you the marvel of the Beatles,” she shrugs as if it's the easiest thing in the world, never telling them that she hasn’t played in years. It becomes a habit whenever it’s the three of them, until Bucky timidly asks her if she had any more songs under her arsenal -- trying to catch up with modern day music. 

He never tells her that his favorite is her rendition of  _ Norwegian Wood _ .

* * *

Bucky thinks it would be easier during the daytime, there are so many things and people to distract him from the thoughts and wondering that he did when he thought of a certain person. He’s wrong, especially in the mornings after his run with Steve and Sam -- a certain type of music plays from the kitchen as Wanda makes another attempt at making a full blown “American” breakfast. Though, unlike him, she doesn’t seem to mind that you have been gone for close to a month now. 

Sometimes, he can’t help but laugh at the memory, he played the genuine pig to your horrible food experiments.

**Wanda.**

Sometimes, she comes when even Sam and Tony aren’t around, though she is more subdued, stays within certain parts of the Tower that she knows too well -- the library, the lab, Tony’s floor like she doesn’t want to bother the other Avengers, though they could have been family by now. Tight nods and polite smiles are what she gives Steve, Natasha and by extension Clint most of the time whenever she sees them. Bucky has to wonder what makes them so different from everybody else, but he never asks that question. 

He comes to slowly realize that the only time she comes out of her cubby holes is when Wanda is trying to learn how to cook. Maybe, it’s because they are around the same age or because they share some similar interests that she is quick to open up with Wanda and visa-versa. Bucky watches from afar as she gets used to cooking what Wanda has eaten most of her life and the Wanda does the same. They laugh and talk, though sometimes the food isn’t the best -- he can see it from the grimaces they share with each other.

Too soon, they run out of things to share with one another. They start asking for other people’s recipes, mostly Sam’s, and then one day bright eyes look in his direction -- and Bucky Barnes is stumped. 

“Okay, Barnes,” she asks one sunny morning, leaning onto the kitchen counter top that smells of sunshine and oatmeal, “What’s your favorite food?” 

Bucky blinks, not really sure not to answer since he doesn’t really know. He’s lucky enough to be eating and living the way he did now after living through the Great Depression since everything has a taste to it now and didn’t involve hot dogs and dried beef.

“I really don’t know, doll,” he shrugs and she blinks for a moment at the new nickname before giving him an eager smile. 

“Well, looks like we’re going to have to work on that,” she says with a loud laugh, as Wanda just shakes her head in the background.

He doesn’t believe her until two days later until he sees a large dish being set down in front of him, and while Bucky hates Corn Beef Hash with a vengeance -- it seems to be a little better when she makes it and the meals just get better from there on. And soon, anything she makes him becomes his favorite meal.

* * *

It’s after that in which he feels himself sinking, that old sticky feeling that clogs up his heart -- a telltale sign that he might be falling in love again. Because deep down, Bucky Barnes also falls in love too easily with people -- with their will to survive, with their tenacity and smiles that bloom the right way when all their defenses are laid bare. It had happened a hand full of times before, something that clearly hasn’t gone away even with him losing himself to HYDRA and all the testing he went through in Wakanda.

Bucky Barnes falls in love with people too easily, but it never has a happy ending -- cracked what-ifs and passed moments shared too late. 

He should be used to it -- the moment you stopped visiting the Tower as often and smiled less when he was around. He should have known, but he had the heart of a stubborn old fool and thus he kept dreaming of you long after you were gone.   

* * *

Bucky heard it from Bruce first, well more like the scientist talked to Tony Stark over the comms. They found you and it sends his senses into overdrive -- he hadn’t even known that something that happened to you. Tony lets out sigh of relief, but the rest of the team aside from Steve is confused and full of questions. His heart catches itself in his throat when he sees Stark bringing you into the jet. There are cuts and scratches all over your body and your right arm can’t seem to move without you wincing. You don’t look at anyone, preferring to murmur everything you knew to Tony. Of course, you would -- he had known you the longest and was the most protective of you. 

However, that isn’t right when his enhanced hearing picks up the familiar name of   _ Donovan  _ and how the now  deceased man had been working with some former HYDRA scientists. Bucky’s heart hitches and deflates and somehow it’s stuck between  _ it’s my fault  _ and  _ let me protect you.  _ Bruce pushes you gently, wrapped in a dry blanket, onto one of the seats as the jet takes off and you end up falling asleep -- blue eyes never letting you out of their sight.   

**Bruce.**

Even though he isn’t that type of doctor, Bruce is the one that was checking her vital signs as some of the Avengers (Steve, Bucky and Tony) sit around her in the medbay. She gives him a tired smile as he goes over the usual check before gives her a clean bill of health besides her arm being on a sling for a few weeks. Tony can’t help but smile at her tenacity and stubbornness, especially when she had told him how she had taken down Donovan with her own hands, though he knew that the adrenaline was just masking the aftermath that might come to her later -- the nightmares and guilt.   

“Are you going to be alright?” Bruce asks, as she gives him a tight nod but blue eyes can already see her shaking, but she’s not going to bother anyone of them with it -- she’s just that type of person. 

“I’ll be fine, Bruce,” she sighs out softly, as the man nods, “Thank you.” 

She looks at Bucky, who gives her a smile, but quickly moves towards looking at Steve because she knows what he wants already. She runs her free hand through her hair in frustration. 

“I only want Tony and Bruce in the room right now,” she pleas softly with Steve, as her voice breaks in the end, “They can give you the details later, but  _ please.”  _

Bucky wants to say no, that he wants to stay with her but the words don’t come out. Instead, he just watches her shoulders tremble close to crying as Bruce comes in silently trying to comfort her like a good friend and his heart drops. He isn’t what she needs at the moment, as he just ends up nodding numbly. 

“We understand,” Steve’s voice resonates through the murkiness of his thoughts, as they leave the medbay, “Let’s go, Bucky.” 

It isn’t until they are out and he keeps glancing through the glass at just how she collapses into the doctor’s body that his heart lerches like crazy.

“She’ll be okay, Buck,” Steve states, trying to console him in some way. Bucky knows that, but he just wishes that he was there to help her along the way.

* * *

Tony lets you stay that the Tower for as long as you need to with your own personal room and you take him up on the offer as you recuperate from your arm trouble. It’s take you awhile, since you end up sleeping through the first three days okay, to form a cohesive routine throughout the day. You do some of the same things as before and at the subtle instance of both Pepper and Tony, you end up taking some counseling to deal with the whole event, as you end up an insomniac afterwards. 

However, you haven’t talked to Bucky, much less interacted with him since you started living in the Tower -- the wounds from the last time you had talked were still engraved too deeply, even if he might not remember. You just didn’t know he was dealing with his own wounds in regards to you as well. 

**Bucky.**

The rain is pattering against the large windows of the Tower, as Bucky makes his way through the hallway and into the recreation room where he hears an old Disney movie being played. There is a figure sitting on one corner of the couch. He had seen her waking up and moving around for some time now, though he never moved into her personal space since he was unsure of whether she wanted company as she watched old movies and ate whatever she had made for the night. 

“Are you going just stand there or watch the movie with me?”  she states, the movie on pause, as she looks over the couch with a timid smile. 

“Yeah,” he moves forward without another word. She pats the seat next to hers like there hasn’t been anything awkward between them for awhile now, like they are just friends. 

It’s how they watch the rest of the movie, while sharing a trail mix of pretzels and chocolate that she had quickly whipped up. She wipes the tears out of her eyes due to the ending of the movie, but it sends Bucky in overdrive, as he leans into her side and cups her cheeks.  

“Are you alright?” he whispers softly, as she confused for a moment,  “Is it the dreams?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she mutters, suddenly to aware how close he is to her as she can’t help but pulls back in curiosity, “Oh, but what have you’ve been dreaming about, Barnes?” 

He pauses for a moment before taking the chance, before laying out in front of her what he has been thinking about for weeks -- probably since he had meet her. 

_ “You.” _

Wide eyes and a confused smile is all that he is meet with, as he tells her --gathering all the courage in him and with the rain gently falling in the background-- that there is a new name half-written in his list. 


End file.
